I’ve written about 100 paragraphs on this bit of screen now and deleted them all. I’ve been staring at it all day, flicking back and forth between this and work. Its funny just how easy it is to think I’m going to write a blog, it’ll be easy, anyone can write. Sure my grammar and spelling will be rubbish, but I think I have a good story to tell. I’m sure it’ll help me and be a good way to promote my fundraising and get the donations coming in. Then the doubt kicks in, is my story that interesting, am I special, am i boring people, do people care.
And in many ways, training and getting ready for the events I’m doing are like that. Now let me be clear, I’m doing Ride London and a Mud Run, I don’t think I’m doing anything amazing. I’m currently reading Jamie McDonald’s book and what he did is amazing. I just want to to help out a great charity and raise some money. In return I can get fit and be healthy.
So I had kept resolving to get ready, if i’m doing these events, I’m going to put the effort in, i’ll improve my cycling, i’ll smash my fastest time, I’ll work my arse off and be a cycling machine! And the run, it can’t be that hard, i’ll get a good time, I’ll get a bunch of mates to help out, the rugby lads will do it and we’ll smash it. Raising the money will be easy, i’ll smash my fundrasing goal.
That was my mindset in September when I signed up to both events.
Come October my mindset was rather different. My rugby team stopped playing, i hadn’t been out on the bike, I had lost all impotus. I’d tried being in a cycling club and got made to look a prat when I couldn’t keep up with the group i was in and got spat out. So I reverted to old Russ, the Russ that sits on his arse and gives up. The “you’ve tried your best and failed miserable, the moral is never try Russ.”
And for a few months that was it, I ignored the commitments I’d made to the charity, and it was easy to forget.
So like this blog I sorta tried, but not really hard enough. Then like with the blog, it was like i took a breath, thought fuck it and started to try properly, its not like its going to write its self and in the same way the fitness isn’t going to sort its myself.
So I’ve kinda dragged myself into it, I’ve picked up the odd game of rugby here and there, and its been fun, i’ve enjoyed it, even the games I’ve played on the wing. I’ve started running with a friend, i’m back playing with Squash and starting to be more aware that I need to step up the effort. And it just happened, much like how I’m now sat here looking at a passable blog, rather than one sentence because I just got on with it.
And that’s how I think I need to approach this. I’ll never be the fastest, or fittest, the strongest, the smartest. But I can make myself put the effort in and maybe do something halfway decent by sheer force of will.
so the next time I’m having doubts, I’ll take a breath, focus and just make the best of it, sometimes it works out better than i hoped.
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