So for the last few years i’ve probably dined out on the fact that I cycled from Land’s End to John O Groats and then played rugby for 25 hours. But something has always bugged me about it, the fact that we didn’t officially get the record recgonised. Since then i’ve talked about the idea of doing it again but that’s all I’ve done talked about it. Since then i’ve got comfortable and fat and lazy. Something has taken the drive away to do it and i’ve finally figured out what. Its fear.
See its easy to sit back and say we gave it are best, and then see others come and actually take the record do what was needed to get that record. I’ve seen 3 teams break it and now it stands at 26 hours. I keep waiting and waiting. I got to the point of setting a facebook group up but not doing much about it. I’ve been half assing a lot of things lately, and its been knawing away at me, i’ve been pissed off with myself and not sure why. It took getting married for it to make the penny drop.
Getting married felt right it felt easy and its made me happy. I love my wife so much and i feel more complete since. Its made me grow up and want things in life, i want to grow fat and old with my wife and live a long and happy life, for myself, for Em and for the dad who sacrificed so much i can have that. Its that that makes me look back on my life. I’ve made mistakes, i’ve cocked up but we all have but i’ve always looked to learn from them. There is little in life i regret or would change. The rugby record is one of the things i’d change and i think its that which makes me freeze in fear.
See what happens if we can’t change it. Scottys Heros raised 60 grand and had Welford road as the venue. I can’t live up to that. i’m a fat bloke who plays local rugby in front of 5 people, i don’t have what it takes to do that to put on a record that will do the charity justice. What if i can’t organise the event properly, what if i let the lads down again, what if we don’t get the record, what if, what if…
Its that which has held me back the what ifs. Its taken a while but i’ve got to the point where i just think, fuck the what ifs. well not that far but instead what if we pull this off, what if we go out give it are all and raise money for a fantastic charity, what if we smash the record, what if we can look back in 30 years time and know even if it was just for a year we were world record holders. for a fat bloke from gloucester with little rugby talent id live with that. But most of all, what if i made dad proud?
So thanks to having a wife who has more faith in me that i deserve its time to put the south doubt to one side, ignore the what ifs and get planning. I don’t know how soon it will be, how big it will be or if we can do it. But i’m going to not regret this, i’m going to look back and think 2015 was the year i put a regret to bed and believed in myself.