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Being self aware

August 27, 2012

There are times in the last month, when I have felt like i’ve forgotten my identity. This has frustrated me and taken a bit of a kick up the arse today to remind myself that I am comfortable in my own skin and that while plenty of people doubt me, I should not.

The last few weeks have been tough, with a lot of stress and I’ve gotten caught up in that. I lost my way and all I could think of was the stress, the cause of it and worrying about what would become of it. It became all consuming and was in danger of driving me mental. I’m not ashamed to admit there were times, I came home and cried so stressed out and angry with how things were, feeling helpless. Thankfully Em was there to listen, to help and offer advice. But for her i’m not sure I’d have coped.

Now I’ve had a weekend of just switching off from it. I’ve gone out on my bike, had a laugh with friends, spent time with Em. Its helped to give me some perspective. Now I was watching a film this morning, not a sad film really, inspiring yes, but not one to make you cry (Glory if you must know.) And yet cry I did. Out of frustration, out of angry at myself for letting the above stress build out of control. It wasn’t really that bad a situation and I was angry, as it had taken over my life when there is so much else I want to spend time on and accomplish.

So now I have done that I feel much better. Its brought me back round. I now remember who I am. Work may be tough, or something else may suck sometime down the line, but i have plenty of strings to my bow.I am a nerd, i love sci-fi, war movies,comics etc. I love cycling and i bloody adore rugby, Iput everything into these. I am determied to make a difference somehow and by letting stress get the better of me, i’ve forgotten all the above. Now its time to get back on track.

Yes the stress has not gone away completely, but by recgonising it I can face it and deal with  it. And most importantly I can not let it break me and enjoying the good stuff in my life. Em, friends, family, rugby etc.

So yes i’m a bloke who cried, i’ll take the stick. Because sometimes manning up isn’t the answer, accepting your sad, pissed off, angry etc is. Then its time to man up, meet it headon and get on with enjoying life, you only get one shot of it after all.

 

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