Putting your heart back together

Wow that was one hell of a weekend and start to the week.

I’ve got a lot to blog about so i’ll split it over a couple of blogs. But it was certainly eventful and this week promises to be even more so.

So friday was just a normal friday night to start with, I was truth be told feeling a bit tired and frustrated (if i thought i was tired then you should see me now!) So I was vegging out watching the Pacific, which is a great series by the way. Em was in the other room, playing on her laptop.

Shortly after she came in complaining of an accelerated heart beat. Now before we continue we need to explain a few things….

Em was born with a congential heart condition know as Transposition of the Great Arteries. For simpletons like you and me, it basically means her heart is back to front. In addition she has had open heart surgery to replace a heart valve which got infected and led to her suffering from Endocarditis. Ok with me so far? She is on medication for life because of this and is restricted in what exercise she can do. A side effect of all of this is she can suffer from tacicardia. That brings us back to friday…

Now with her heart stuff, Em is so good, he never lets it stop her. I’m amazed at her resolve and how much she pushes herself, so never lets her conditions be an excuse for anything. Sometimes it makes her exhausted or poorly as a result and then she beats herself up for it. Its one of the things i love about her most, and i wish i had her resolve and determination. Therefore for her to complain about her heart beat i knew it must be serious. So at Midnight off to A and E we went.

Now i hate hospitals, but its nothing to how Em feels about them. She was so nervous and we had tears and worry. And I felt so helpless. I know so little about her conditions, I try to understand it, i’m just a bit thick when it comes to it. I tried to be reassuring but not sure i managed it. All i could do is sit, keep her company and talk to her. Eventually, they brought her heart back to a normal rythm and i’ve never been so relived. Em was sent off to a ward and I went home at 3 to get some sleep.

Now I managed not to sleep, when I got home it all hit me. I was so angry with myself. I dump on Em all the time, I worry about my lack of job, i stress about the fundraising etc. And she always listens to me and knows exactly what to say. Yet I forget just how much she has on her plate, she worries about her condition and was scared and I needed to be stronger for her. I didn’t sleep a wink that night through worry.

When she rang to say she could come home, i cried with relief. Now it never was life threatening, but i  realised just how much I depend on her, She has gotten me through this period without work, if not for her i’d have given up and be sat in my pants about 15 stone heavier! And all of this made me realise how important she really is to me. Yes I don’t have a job and yes i have a lot on, but with her here its so much easier, now its time for me to be there for her.

So there it was a sense of perspective if ever i needed it. I need to not worry or sweat the little things, i will get a job, the fundraising should be fun so i don’t need to stress. I need to get out on the bike more and enjoy my time with Em, cause really without her, my family or friends, life really would suck.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s