Head meet wall, wall meet head…

Every fortnight I have to take a trip to a place I hate going to; the job centre. It really is a depressing place. You can see the hope on some people’s face, depression on others, disinterest on even more and thats just the staff!

I resolve that everytime I go there, it will be my last visit… and the resolve on that grows each time I return. I’m so burnt out by this whole process now. It consumes my life now, find a job, find a job, find a job. That is what is going through my head 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I cannot tell you the relief I will feel when I finally get one! I miss being able to just relax at home, go out on my bike, spend time with Em or crack on with fundraising. Whenever I have a spare five minutes i’m picking up the laptop and searching, always searching for a job! These ‘just missing out’ interviews have me determined to get this over with, to be working, to be positive.

Every interview that comes, is a wasted week of preparation, of building up of hope, of worry, of optimism, pessimism, doubt, confidence. Then the interview comes and I wait, the worst bit. The clock watching, gazing at the phone, bargaining with no one (if i get this i’ll be a better person!) Then the call, the nervousness, will it be elation or deflation this time; the last time deflation. The anger, sadness, tears, reflection and rebuilding of confidence. Then it all begins again.

Now i know I’m not the only one in this boat and I have no divine right to get a job. So today I was angry when I left the job centre. All I want is them to treat me as a human being, but its the same everytime. There is a bloke who turns up after me, but gets seen first as one of the people there is mates with him! Then I sit there and get embrassed when I have to talk over the failed interviews. Then the soundbites ‘well at least you get interviews’ and ‘the right job is just round the corner’ and my favourite ‘its hard out there at the moment’. Then I discuss what i’ve been doing to get a job in the week and the person is starring into the computer typing away and not listening to a word I say. One click later and they can find me no jobs. Then I ask if they can suggest anything to help, that i am getting interviews but could do with boosting my interview technique and their response; not really no. Thats that then, I thank them for their help and go to leave and i’m already forgotten.

Thats why I hate the job centre. I know thats a massive whinge, but in truth I want to thank them. As I work best when angry. I’ve come to mums and for three hours stared into a computer screen. I’ve found 12 jobs, nothing out there my arse.

So i’m more determined then ever to get out there, get a job and never have to return to that place again. If I do then oh well, i’ll hold my head eye, remember my vow, my conviction and say to myself as i leave ‘this is the last time someone makes me feel that small.’

God help the tackle bag tonight and the road tomorrow!


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