I’ve just been sat staring at this screen to come up with a funny/inspiring/interesting title for this blog but do you know what i’ve got nothing! So instead of wasting time looking like a mellon as the cogs in my brain try to tick over i’m going to crack on!
Its been an interesting week to say the least, involving laughs, tears, failure, optimism, pessimism, cycling, fear, resolve, arguments, regret and much much more! Its been not always a fun week to have lived through but hey it gives me plenty to blog about!
The week has been pretty much stressing about my career or rather lack of it. Now I don’t want this blog to become all about my job hunt, but its had a knock on effect into a lot of my life so I need to address it, but I promise it’ll be no more than it needs to.
So this week I had an interview for a job I really thought I could do a good job on. Now I’ve never really been a confident person, I’m far more so than I used to be, but I still have a way to go. If there is one thing that is sure to have me questioning and doubting myself though its an interview. I don’t take rejection well, which is not good when your in the market for a job!
So I prepped hard for the job. Sadly however it was not to be. Apparently I didn’t come accross as dynamic enough or confident and they didn’t think I could sell the service effectively. Fair enough thats there call. I held it together long enough to get home, then I broke down. I was so frustrated I really tried to be successful and come accross well and I really did disagree with them. I think I work well with people and its my strong point, so to not come accross like that was disappointing.
Now I let this dwell for a while, I was all ready to mope and to gwet angry at the world. Most of all I wanted to get away from it all however, to jut escape the pain and the fear. So I did what I normally did the next morning, I grabbed my ipod, put on some thought provoking music, loaded up the camel bak, grabbed the bike and rode. HARD.
And you know what it was exactly what I needed. I was out the saddle on every hill hammering the peddle, when ever i was tired I imagined someone telling me I didn’t have what it takes, that I wasnt good enough, or my old man bellowing at me to not give up. In that 30 Miles all the anger and frustration was hammered into the road. By the end of the ride I had absolutely nothing left, all the anger had drained from me, and that was a good thing. I realised what was the point? I was only hurting myself but holding on to all the anger. It wasn’t going to get me a job, get my feeling confident or good about myself. I don’t think i’d have reached that conclusion anywhere as quick without cycling.
I realised by all accounts this year has been an awesome one and this is just one set back. To compare it with cycling sooner or later you’re going to be riding along a smooth road and be flying, but at some point that road will get steeper, you just have to grit your teeth and get up the hill. Cause when you reach the top, you’ve got a fucking great hill to fly down! 🙂
So that next morning I woke up feeling fresh and motivated. I’ve got my head down and job hunted and focused on fundraising etc. Things I can control. Now I’ve applied for 12 jobs, got some promising stuff for fundraising and upped my training.
I don’t for one second think this is like a montage in a film, where I suddenly turn a corner and get that amazing job I wanted. All I do know, is i’m not sat in my pants, crying my eyes out like I was last week. All I can do is try to make it all right, to put this down to experience and learn from it. To keep plugging it away, cause i need to be ready for my chance to come (couldn’t have put it better Noah and the Whale!)
So there you have it, life is far from perfect at the moment, but thanks to my bike I’ve realised its pointless to feel sorry for myself, I just need to get back in the saddle and ride till I get an opportunity.
Soundtrack to this blog: Last know surroundings – Explosions in the Sky Waiting for my chance to come – Noah and the Whale My fave song at the moment is Ben Howard – the fear – it really sums up my feelings and fears at the moment, the line ‘i’ll become what I deserve really has me ready to take on the world and fills me with hope.
Quotes: (note: I’m a massive geek, especially about comics, yes i can hear you all groan! But as hokey as they can be they can also instill real inpiration so with that in mind this weeks quotes are from my favourite hero Batman)
“People think it’s an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It’s never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I’m doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn’t that day. And tomorrow won’t be either.” – Batman
“And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew… that one day, I wouldn’t have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day… I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win.” – Batman
Bruce Wayne: You’re not the devil. You’re practice.
Bruce Wayne: It’s not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me.
And the one thats become pretty much my personal mantra of late:
Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up.
Have a good one all!